Social Conventions of Dating: Dating Your Sister’s Former Boyfriend is no Sin

Romance and Love

Social conventions of dating stipulate that friends and family members of your ex are off limits.

Getting romantically involved with anyone even remotely connected to your ex is frowned upon. So, what happens when you become smitten with, say your sister’s former beau? Can such a relationship be pursued without creating bad blood between the parties involved?

A lot of people find it a bit distasteful. This hardly comes as a surprise thanks to the fact that it is constantly being drummed in our heads that such unions are somewhat immoral.

Personally, I find this ‘girl code’ and ‘bro code’ business a bit juvenile. Dating your sister’s former boyfriend is not the worst thing in the world. It is time to discount the slew of advice that suggest otherwise. Healthy relationships have grown from trickier circumstances.  If everybody involved can learn to shrug off any awkwardness, then you might be well in your way to a fulfilling relationship.

However, pursuing such a relationship requires tact. First, you need to be sure that what you feel for each other is genuine. Both of you need to be absolutely convinced that it could work.

You will have a harder time justifying a fling. If the two of you can prove that you are really in love, it may lessen the blow for the sister. She could even be happy for you for finding love.

A few pertinent issues must be put into consideration before going public about such a relationship. The most important factor is timing. How long has it been since your sister and your new found love broke up?

It is extremely ill-advised to jump into a relationship with your sister’s ex right after their breakup. Things are bound to get ugly. The reason is simple; the wounds of the breakup could still be fresh. It is hard enough to see your ex moving on with someone else, but your sister?! A respectable amount of time need to have elapsed before you make the decision to venture into this relationship.

You would have better luck getting her to accept your relationship if she has moved on as well.

The guy in question should have no qualms about jumping right from his former relationship into this one, and it shouldn’t be to spite his ex. Be very careful also lest it is a matter of the almighty rebound.

Also, you need to get into this relationship with a clear conscience. Are you genuinely interested in this guy or is this union being fuelled by an ulterior motive? If there is an existing rivalry between you and your sister, this might not be the time to be getting up-close and personal with her ex, as you might be consciously or subconsciously trying to get even by dating the ex. Needless to say this will not end well.

When all is said and done, your family should be a priority.

If your sister is totally against it with valid reasons, you will have to consider whether it is worth losing the special bond you share with your sister over a man.


Written by How South Africa

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