Communication is one of the things that can make or break a marriage – depending on how efficient your form of communication is.
This is why women get a bad reputation for nagging, which is not the most efficient way to get things done…yet continue to do it anyway.
So why does your wife nag?
1. She’s not your maid
If your typical routine is to come home from work, sit on the couch and not move until it’s time for bed, there’s your problem. That’s why she keeps asking you to do the same things: Clothes go IN the laundry hamper, not right next to it. Peels and wrappers go into the garbage. That mess you made from making lunch? You can spare the two minutes it takes to clean it up.
You might think it’s not a big deal – She can pick up a pair of socks from the family room floor, right? But so can you!
Yes, picking up a pair of socks is easy but if you say that about every little thing, it adds up.
What to do
Take a few seconds and look around before leaving a room; The less of a mess you leave, the happier your wife will be.
2. She isn’t sure you’re listening
If your wife asks you to take out the garbage, how long does it usually take you to do it? If you’re a person who doesn’t respond right away, or someone who forgets the favor while staring at the TV, that’s why she has to rephrase and repeat the question…constantly.
Maybe she wasn’t heard or no one listened to her when she was younger. Maybe she is trying to get things done and could use some help. That’s why talking, with actual words and not grunts, is important in your relationship. Talk about it and understand where each of you is coming from.
What to do
It’s not hard to stop whatever you’re doing and look her in the eyes and acknowledge the question. Promise to really talk to her. When she’s talking, listen. There’s nothing better for building a better relationship than being heard.
3. She can’t do it all alone
Contrary to popular belief, not all women want to do everything a man does. And if you’ve done her a favor in the past (like putting holes in the walls for pictures) chances are she’ll wait for you to do those tasks.
The “honey-do” list seems like something to laugh at, but if you actually make progress on them, she will know that you will get to it and won’t need to nag. Whether it’s putting together a set of shelves so she can get things organized or touching up the paint, take a project and set aside the time to get it finished.
What to do
If this task will take two days to complete, take a day off of work and work on it or schedule out your weekend plans accordingly. There’s nothing worse than starting a project and then waiting another six months to get it finished or to work on it again. If it takes 15 minutes, start at half-time and get back before any of the action starts.
Be courteous and give your wife a timeline of your schedule and when you think her project will be finished. Put a finish date on the family calendar. That way, you’re both on the same page and there won’t be a need to nag.
4. You don’t spend enough time with her
When you get married, any and all best friends should take the back seat. Your wife should be your best friend. She should be the one you go to for advice. If you have a problem between the two of you, you discuss it with her, not your friends.
Your wife might nag about you going out so much because in reality, you are going out too much. How often do you take her on a date or sit down and have an in-depth conversation with her?
You might think, “I need guy time.” But what about “wife time”? If it’s so important to get out of the house, take her with you. Include her on what’s going on in your life and the decisions you’re making. It all affects her future too.
What to do
Set aside time to be with her, not only intimately but for daily conversations and date nights.
Ultimately, if she nags, it means she still cares and wants to see a change. Even though nagging isn’t the best way to communicate, it is a way she is trying to reach you. Talk about your relationship, the quirks and pet peeves, and make changes to improve your relationship instead of just being annoyed.