I’m Married But You’re The One I Think Of

Dear Ken,

I had no reason to think twice before accepting your proposal when we met again at Level 100 in the university. We were familiar with each other and we both needed company in a place unfamiliar to us. It was easy for us to get along really quickly and I must confess, I had a crush on you back in 2006 at the computer school. I dreamt of being your girlfriend and waited for you to make a move but you didn’t. On campus, you became everything I needed. My best friend, the brother I never had as well as that awesome boyfriend. It was all buoyant and fun for us and we enjoyed every bit of each other’s company. We became that enviable couple on campus as one could easily notice the atmosphere of love around us.

On that fateful day in Level 300, you rushed to my room with the good news. I couldn’t wait to hear you out. You had won an American lottery and your joy knew no bounds. Though I had butterflies in my stomach when you broke the news to me, I had to give you positive vibes and share in your joy. My Ken was leaving me behind; how was I going to cope on campus? Were we still going to enjoy each other’s company even while you were away? These thoughts and many others run through my mind but I couldn’t ruin your excitement with my fears. You were however resolute in your love for me and gave me hope which I held on to firmly.

I was with you through all the processes until you had to finally leave. We wept our eyes out at the airport. My Love was leaving me behind and I could see the sadness in your eyes: but what could we do? You had to leave anyway. We shared goodbyes, warm hugs and held on tight to each other as if to never let go. You promised the distance wouldn’t be a barrier for us. That $100 dollar note you gave me before you left—I didn’t want to spend it. It felt like a piece of you that you left with me but when the going got tough, I spent it. Gratitude.

I couldn’t wait for your call and when you finally did two days after, I was the happiest lady on earth. You gave me all the run down and how you were coping. I was excited because my Ken was finally in the states and I couldn’t wait to marry a “burger”. You assured me that when you are finally settled we will get married and I will join you. Who wouldn’t be elated with such assurances? I prayed for you every day that things will be well with you. And we tried to keep in touch often through video calls and messages, sharing with each other the happenings in our lives.

Little did we know that going to the States would be the end of the love we had nurtured all the while. The difficulties relating to distant relationships started to crop in. I felt insecure whenever I saw you displaying pictures of other ladies on your timeline. I asked severally and you always told me they were just friends. Your friends down here badmouthed me to you and you believed them. I must say you were the only guy in my life all the while when you were away. I had no one. I couldn’t let all shared slip away just like that. Communication between us began fading away and we always had an issue to settle whenever we had the chance to talk.

Though things were sour between us, I still kept my hopes high and held on to mummy’s prophecy that you were the man destined for me. I spent most of the time praying and casting out demons working against our being together. I was deeply in love with you I didn’t want the evil spirits to win. NO! I had to defeat them and get my Ken back.

In 2011, you sent me a message that broke me to the core. You said, “I had met someone else and it would be better for you to move on.” To date, I don’t know how I survived the hurt and pains. I wept all night. I questioned myself, “What happened to mum’s prophecy?” I didn’t want to move on, even if I had to hold on to a straw of hope, I was ready. I kept sending you messages that I wasn’t giving up on you and I wasn’t ready to let us go. I told you I will wait for you no matter what. You read those messages and said nothing. That hurt.

Six years have gone and my heart still skips a beat whenever I see your posts on Facebook. Anytime I get a beep on my phone, I think of you and wish the message came from you instead. My eyes got watery the day you sent me a message that you were getting married. The hurt got more intense when you said the lady and I shared the same birth date. I broke down when I saw your wedding pictures on Facebook. Why her and not me? I was married but the news of your wedding went through the walls of my heart and got me shuttered. Even marriage—my own marriage couldn’t stop me from loving you. How can I be married to someone else and still think of you the way I do?

Everyone experiences true love once in their lifetime. You were my true love. That experience of love that a woman goes through once and never happens again. Sometimes I reminisce on our good old days and think to myself, “How could our own destiny do this to us?” We belong together, even my mother’s prophecy could bear us witness but…but you escaped and left me to chart a path with a different man. I miss you Ken and I look forward to the day when moving on will be possible for me.



Written by Ph

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