I’ve always believed in love. Even when all my relationships with people I thought loved me didn’t go well, I still held on to that belief. That somewhere somehow, there’s this person who will come into my life and make everything whole again. “Perfect love exists,” I said to myself, “I only have to keep going no matter what, and in the end, that kind of love would be my reward.”
After my national service, I made a friend in church, Kwasi. To date, I don’t know how the two of us became friends. I look for the beginning of us and I see none. Usually, you remember who approached who and who was the first to say hello but when it comes to me and Kwasi, that memory didn’t have space in my mind. It’s like we woke up one day and we were friends—good friends. He would come to my house every Sunday and pick me to church. At that point in my life, I had no job doing so my days were just mornings, afternoons, and evenings—nothing in between and it got boring sometimes.
When Kwasi came along and got to know little about me, he started making sure that I had something to fill my days with. He would come home with movies and immediately I finish watching them, he’ll come along with more movies and series so I get something to be occupied with on the days I’m not looking for a job. I grew fond of him. For trying. For being there. I didn’t know his ultimate intentions toward me but I loved his presence and the part he was playing in my life.
I got into a relationship with Nana Yaw, a guy who captured my heart and later turned out to be everything I hate to see in a man. He was possessive and at best childish. If he called me and I didn’t pick, he would start acting up. If he needed me at a time that I couldn’t be there with him, he would go like, “Never mind, I would call my ex to come around.” To me, that was very childish and even if he did that to spite me, it was still silly and inconsiderate for a man you love to do that. Of all the things one could do to spite the people they love, ex issues shouldn’t be one so I told him it was over and moved on with my life.
Kwasi was still there being the friend he had always been, trying for me and making sure that I had happiness through the little things he did. I saw him as a friend but deep down, I wanted a man who could treat me like he did and I made things obvious to him yet he didn’t pick the clue.
I found Nana Kwame, dated for some months and that too didn’t work out. And then Eric came along with all the beautiful lines that get a woman swept off her feet. I thought he was the one. I fell for him deeply but he was the one whose love or lack of it nearly killed me. One peaceful day, just when I thought I was going to have a beautiful day ahead of me, I came across the wedding photos of a beautiful couple. I looked at the photos well and guess what, the man in a suit—the groom was Eric. You see why I said his love or lack of it nearly killed me. I wouldn’t wish such an experience on an enemy—to find the one you call boyfriend marry someone else like how I found Eric.
I was in pain—severe pains but through it all Kwasi came around and sort of made the pain bearable. I didn’t tell him anything about it. I brooded alone and tried to heal the pain all alone. It was just about that time that I realize Kwasi was giving me a distance. I wasn’t hearing from him often as I use to. He wasn’t coming for me to church and I wasn’t seeing him in church too. I called him; “Kwasi, what’s wrong with you? I don’t see you these days and you don’t even come to church. Is anything the matter?” He said, “No, there’s nothing wrong. My job schedules changed. These days I go to work even on Sundays that’s why you don’t see me.”
One day, through a conversation with a mutual friend, he made it known to me that Kwasi has a new girlfriend, and it’s the girlfriend who’s taking Kwasi’s time. Ideally, I should have been happy—happy for a friend who has had a girl he loves so much that he doesn’t care about other things now, but I felt this sense of jealousy in my gut. It felt like someone had taken what’s mine from me. I smiled and moved on. The next time I met Kwasi, I asked him, “How is your new girlfriend?” I was hoping he was going to tell me it wasn’t true but he responded, “Oh she’s doing well.” My heart. So it’s true. Well, life goes on.
I wasn’t seeing him as I used to but anytime I met him, I asked about his girlfriend, hoping one day he’ll tell me, “Oh things didn’t work out the way we thought would be so it’s over.” For two and a half years, anytime I asked, he had something positive to say about his girlfriend. After lockdown, I had a call from Kwasi. He asked if we could go out and I said why not. We went out that night and it became a routine thing. He would call after work and ask if we could go out. I would say yes and the two of us would meet, have fun and go our separate ways later in the night. At some point, I asked myself, “What has changed? Why is he having time for me all of a sudden?”
One night I asked him, “How’s your girlfriend. I hope you guys are having good times together.” He responded, “Oh we broke up ooo. There was a lot of mistrust between us. She always suspected I was cheating on her. Nothing I said would make her see reason. Two can’t go far unless there’s trust. So we called it off.” I said what everyone would say to a friend in such circumstances but deep down I was smiling. The barriers are broken and once more, I’ve had my Kwasi back. My feelings for him had grown bigger in his absence and I wasn’t going to let him off as easily as it happened the other time.
After a few months of hanging out with him, one night we had gone out and had a lot to drink. We were both tipsy but pretending we were alright. On our way back home in his car, he said, “I have feelings for you and I think this is the right time to let you know. Now that I’m single and you are also single.” I responded, “Me too. I’ve had this feeling for you for some time now. I was waiting for you to say this.”
We called what we have for each other “Feelings.” Maybe it was because of how we were both feeling at that moment—maybe when love hits you when you’re tipsy everything turns to feelings so you call it “Feelings,” but what we have for each other is more than just feelings. We’ve been together for some months now and I’m having the best days of my life. Because of him, I know what I’d always wanted in a man and he’s the perfect fit for all I’ve ever wanted. What do I want? Just someone who treats me like I matter in their lives. I don’t have to remind this someone about my existence before he knows I exist. Someone who does the little things to make me fall in love deeper with him every day. I’m not a girl who’ll ask her man to go to the moon and scoop a piece for her. Just the little things and Kwasi is all about that—the little things to make me feel wanted.
It’s been some months now since we started. It’s early days yet and I don’t know where this would lead us. Marriage? I would have loved if it did but I’m also aware that not all relationships lead to marriage, no matter how good the two look together. So now, all I do is to take it a day at a time—one step at a time. If it’s God’s will, he’ll make all things beautiful in His own appointed time.