“Your mother is driving me insane!” – said no man ever. Even though most want to, they know saying something like this will lead to war or the silent treatment.
If you’re in a committed long-term relationship you hopefully know what to say and what not by now. Here’s some of the deadliest phrases you should definitely ignore:
- “My ex-boyfriend could do [it] better”:
It doesn’t really matter what she’s referring to, the damage is done. Do not compare your new partner to an ex because it will end badly. Keep your current relationship unique and between the two of you without inviting the exes in.
2. “You never do [anything]”:
Whether you never do the dishes or take out the trash, it doesn’t really matter. If you’re using the words “always” and “never” constantly towards your partner in a negative way, you’re setting yourself up for an argument. Psychologist in Takoma Park, Maryland, Samantha Rodman told Huffington Post: “There’s a good chance your generalisation is wrong. Nothing is black and white so telling a partner that she’s never on time or he’s always selfish can’t be right. These types of statements only lead to a prosecutor-defendant dynamic, which is not what you want in your marriage.”
3. “You sound like your mother/father”:
If you’re saying something like this you are trying to change the topic while in an argument. Chances are you’re just saying this to create a diversion. Rather try and keep the topic or issue at hand between the two of you and leave the in-laws out of it.
4. “Did you gain some weight?”
Uhm, no! Suggesting that your partner has gained some weight is as bad as it gets. A negative statement like this suggests they aren’t good enough or defective. Nonconstructive criticism won’t help anyone or any situation.
5. “I hate it when you do [that]”:
Putting your partner down in front of friends or family like this, can be really damaging to your relationship. You’re basically gathering people up against your spouse. Nobody wants that.
6. “You’re a horrible father, lover…”
According to psychotherapist based in Miami Beach, M. Gary Neuman, put-downs centered around your partners’ family or occupational roles are particularly cruel. “Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating. These roles are so important and tender. When they’re questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this.”
7. “You shouldn’t feel like that”:
Nobody gets to tell you how you feel.Try to be supportive and curious about what your partner is thinking rather than shooting them down when they’re opening up about their feelings.
8. “Don’t wait up for me”:
Apparently, this is a huge no-go. Relationship coach, Robyn Wahlghast, said this might seem like an innocent remark, but it isn’t innocent at all. “You should view shared bedtime as a way to strengthen your connection with your partner – it’s a powerful form of physical intimacy, with or without sex. Saying okay to separate bedtimes enables behaviors that destroy intimacy, such as solitary porn-watching and flirty messaging with friends or co-workers.”