What happens when you are single, searching but not finding the right one? The answer is very simple, you stop searching, embrace being single and allow the right one find you.
Of course I know how ridiculous that sounds and sometimes we all feel like we need to make the extra effort to achieve some of these things but if you have been doing something a particular way and still there has not been any recorded change, how about you change the process and see if it will yield any progress?
Personally, I am at that point in my life where I have to literally just stop looking and focus on building myself. I am honestly tired of the cycle and at this stage, believe me when I say, I am at that point where I have lost all the energy from trying in the past and I would rather just be happier being all by myself as opposed to being with someone who is not the ideal person.
I also understand that the fact that if I am constantly analysing and trying to find someone as opposed to just enjoying my life till that person walks in, it might mean I am preventing myself from knowing who I really am without a partner and realising that if I find one in that state, I will very likely just be an attache.
Truth is, it is important to not see being single as a cage one needs to escape from. Rather, see it as a phase you need to explore to the fullest because when you eventually find someone, you want to have everything (including your self esteem, self love, self development, independence, and the wholesomeness that comes with being your own person) under control.
I look at myself today and I know I am a different person from the Vanessa I was a year ago and that is because I have become aware of the fact that being single is a huge part of developing myself while figuring out the kind of man I want.
The kind of men that appealed to me last year are certainly not the kind I am looking for today, and I am not saying it changes every year but it becomes more defined. I no longer have a list, I just know how I want to feel when I am around him and that is something I have to figure out by embracing being single, stopping the search and allowing him find me.
If you notice, the reason you continue to find the same kind of men is because you do not have a clear head to separate the same feeling you got when you met the last wrong person, and if you take a breather and look at the signs again you will see they were always there all along but you just refused to acknowledge them.
I have also come to understand that I cannot love a new person if I do not have myself figured out, and in that regard I have taken it upon myself to stop looking, pray harder, love myself more, embrace my present state and consider all the past occurrences as my job experience so I can break the cycle and start afresh.