It’s just like Old Man Winter to come along and snow us in, prevent us from getting to work on time – and remind us how single we really are. During the cold season, you get to see your friends loved up on Christmas Day, proposing on New Years Eve and announcing their first child on Valentine’s Day. Not cool.
There is something achingly romantic about the winter time, but when you’ve been single for way too long, you just remember that you haven’t had someone to warm up too for ages. When was the last time you got to take an idyllic autumn stroll in the park, or kiss your lover under the mistletoe? It just isn’t fair how winter reminds us of all this! If you’ve been single for a while, here are 10 signs that it’s been far too, FAR too long.
If A Guy Checks You Out, There Has To Be Something On Your Face
It’s not only been so long since you were last in a relationship, but it’s also been so long since a guy even checked you out.
In fact, it’s been so long that when a guy does check you out now, you instantly assume that you’ve got something on your face, such as a boil, a wart – or even a piece of food.
But while your last wart vanished over a year ago, your self-esteem is clearly still in the drain.
Everyone Wants To Set You Up
When you’ve been single for too, you start getting set up on pity dates by every friend you’ve ever had – including ones you haven’t seen since high school.
“I’ve got the perfect guy for you!”
Only, he isn’t perfect, and neither were the 234 other “perfect” guys.
You Prefer Napping To Going On A Date
An essential part of your single life these days is taking a nap. You probably can’t even survive a day without a 60 minute power nap in the early evening anymore, and you’ll cancel all new plans before you skip a nap. After all, you’ve got no man in your life to spend time with, so what else are you going to do?
You’ll even cancel a date if the guy can only make it during power nap time. After all, there’s just no way you’re going to lose your beauty sleep for a guy. You’re so set in your ways that your familiar routines can’t be broken. If they are, it just sends you all out of whack.
You’ve Already Considered Freezing Your Eggs
You haven’t even casually dated someone for ages, never mind planned a family with someone! As such, you’ve already looked into the possibilities of freezing your eggs or even adopting an African child. Hey, it seems like more of a reality right now than starting a family with a real man!
Maybe you’ve also had a look into sperm banks, or asked your friends whether they really want to keep their fifth child.
“Really? You really gonna need that many?”
You Wonder About Possibilities
“Can you marry yourself?” you tap into Google late at night.
“Does living with a cat mean you’re technically in a relationship?”
Your Grandma Has Stopped Asking About Your Love Life
It’s always been your grandmothers wish that she’ll get to see you settle down with a nice man before she dies. As such, she’s been asking about you and your love life since you were sixteen.
Now, though, she’s tired of asking. She just wants to be left in peace to watch her game shows and smoke her cigarettes.
In fact, all your family has stopped asking you about your love life, from your mom to your aunties. There have even been rumours that you gave up on men, but no one has said it to your face yet. They’re politely waiting for you to say something first.
You Know The Worst Day Of The Year Is February 14th
When you’d been single for a year, you probably had a good giggle at yourself when Valentine’s Day came around.
“I’m in my pyjama’s eating ice cream in my favourite TV-watching position. What is my life?” you ask yourself with a pinch of humour.
Fast-forward five years and you can no longer laugh when Valentine’s Day comes around. This is no joke anymore. This is like a broken record that nobody is switching off.
Your Most Recent Ex Is Married
The guy you broke up with a while back may have begged you to stay and told you that he couldn’t live without you.
“I don’t want anyone but you!”
Except, it’s been so long now that he’s got over you, got married and is expecting his first child.
While you’re still doing Netflix and chill.
Indeed, there is nothing that reminds us how long we’ve been single more sharply than an ambitious ex who has to go and get married, get a mortgage and have kids. As if we don’t already know we’ve been single for a while!
You Hate Sundays
“I LOVE Sundays!” you used to scream enthusiastically at your boring parents who said Sundays sucked because it meant they had to go back to work tomorrow.
But you loved Sundays because they meant cuddles and hugs with your boyfriend.
Nowadays, you know exactly why Sundays suck. They were made for lazy walks in the park, pub lunches and cuddling. Without all that, there’s just a vast greyness until Monday morning comes along.
You Can’t Remember What Your Type Was
You’re certain that a long time ago in a distant land you had a type, and you also had standards. For example, you’re sure that you never used to date fat guys, while bald guys were also a big no-no.
These days, though, you’ve just not got a clue about who you’re attracted to, and who you’ll say no to. Maybe you’d draw the line at alcoholic dwarves, but maybe you wouldn’t? You just don’t know!