We all probably know that feeling…You meet someone whose stars are aligned with yours. And a few months into it, you are deep in the throes of a whirlwind romance.
And as the honeymoon phase starts dying down and reality sets in, you both realise that you’re far from perfect and now have to start playing the compromise game.
Perhaps he’s been ok with you drinking and smoking, but that has now become the subject of your everyday fights. Or, you’re suddenly shocked by the number of times he’s out with the boys (something you were never used to because he spent every weekend during the honeymoon phase next to you).
If you find yourself going the extra mile to please your bae, maybe it’s time you stopped to ask if the relationship is even worth investing in.
We asked these six ladies what they would never give up in the name of love. This is what they had to say:
Never compromise your career – Gugu
Your career is your power and you need that power. As a woman, you need to stand up for yourself, do things for yourself and be self-sufficient. Men also have a tendency of using things against you when things get tough; the last thing you need is to have a man use your lack of education or empowerment against you.
Don’t ever have a child to keep him – Thando
Falling pregnant in an attempt to keep a man is not going to work, not in this day in age. Even if he does support the child financially, you’ll just end up being a single mom emotionally.
“Women think they can terrorise a guys’ ex-girlfriend or side chick just because they have a child with him, it won’t work. Trapping a man with a child will only hurt you and you’ll end up resenting him,” she says.
Don’t ever change yourself – Sindiswa Khoza
Don’t ever change who you are for a man. That includes your hair choices, drinking, lifestyle, your value system and so on – always stay true to yourself. “Don’t change for him because he won’t change for you, at any point,” she says.
Asanda Sizani also reiterates the point and maintains that it’s important not to give yourself away. “Whether it’s your religious affiliation, value system or life morals – don’t compromise on who you are as a person. When you find that you’ve completely changed, so much that you’ve lost yourself, it won’t be worth it,” says Sizani. “It catches up eventually, the real you will come out and you’ll regret ever trying to change you,” she ends.
Don’t alienate your friends because of him – Nomahlubi
Keep up with your girlie routines. It’s ok to do couple activities and spend time with your man because that’s how a bond is created and strengthened, but be careful that you don’t cut out your friends in the process. “Your friends will always be there for you and they won’t judge you, yet you’ll find your partner judging your friends or coming up with reasons as to why you shouldn’t get too close to them or how they go out too much,” she says. Alienating yourself from family and friends can be detrimental.
Don’t ‘loya‘ him – Neo
Don’t ever find yourself having to bewitch him because you want his heart or keep him. “When you get to that point, you’re beyond desperate,” she says.
Don’t change your life plans to accommodate his – Rea
Compromising is important but no one should influence your life plan, especially if you’re just dating. If your life plans will make you happy and fulfilled, don’t compromise. Always put yourself first – nobody else will.