For couples whose sex lives have been affected by time, responsibilities and other activities, below are five longlasting solutions provided by therapists who have been able to help couple get past similar issues.
1. Stop assuming your partner is uninterested in sex
According to Gracie Landes, a New York based sex therapist, couples need to reach out to each other, even it looks as if the other is disinterested in having sexual intercourse at the moment.
“Long-term couples need to plan intimacy dates, bringing back that positive anticipation about being together,” she explains.
2. Schedule love-making sessions
Because couples might become really busy and involved in many time consuming activities which tend to put a strain on their sex lives, arranging a kind of sex time table might be their only genuine chance of keeping the sex in their marriage alive.
Michael Aaron, another New York based therapist says he advises couples advises to schedule sex.
“This includes not only blocking time, but planning out all of the details. Creating quality experiences requires foresight and planning, right down to negotiating specific sex acts,” he says.
3. Don’t over-prioritize orgasms
Another thing to consider when your sex life doesn’t really look good is that orgasms are not necessarily the ultimate goal of making love.
Los Angeles therapist Moshumi Ghose says “If orgasm happens, great — that’s the icing on the cake.
“But sex can also be as simple as a heavy make-out session in the nude, some time together in the bath or even a massage. Encouraging other types of intimacy, that are less intimidating and have less pressure can ease the couple back into great sex.”
4. Share fantasies
As earlier stated, most couples tend to experience a downturn in their sex lives after about two years, and would have to actively work towards keeping the spark alive.
To ensure that the sex never goes downhill in your marriage, another thing to do is to share sexual fantasies with your spouse.
Ghose states further that “I tell couples to have a heart-to-heart with each other.
“Sharing their secret fantasies and fetishes helps in the bedroom but it also builds a stronger sense of connection, which fosters deeper intimacy.”
Sexual dysfunction such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or a lack of vaginal lubrication sometimes makes partners apprehensive about having sex, says Laurel Steinberg.
The psychotherapist says “Couples need to realize that there are an infinite variety of ways to delight a partner that don’t depend on an erect penis or vaginal penetration.”
“When all types of sexual touch are viewed to be as equally valuable, couples can switch gears and find another trick up their sleeves,” she says.