Despite, to my mind, being rather outdated it would seem that, as a woman in your thirties, unless you have updated your Facebook status with 18,000 pictures of pink cupcakes, shabby chic bunting and his n’ hers matching dressing gowns you are relegated to the fringes of society with nothing but a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and ‘mad cat woman’ jokes to keep you company.
While I don’t dispute the benefits of marriage (read: gift lists at John Lewis and hefty tax breaks) I can’t help but wonder if tying the knot can sometimes spell the end of many a good relationship.
After all, nothing says ‘settled and lazy’ like a piece of paper legally binding you to a person for the rest of your life.
With this in mind, I did some research on ‘how to keep your husband interested’.
Advice included learning to compromise, having deep conversations and diarising a weekly date night to keep the passion and excitement of your relationship alive.
Useful tips indeed.
There is no doubt that communication is important but the key to good communication is talking not nagging.
Don’t ask him what’s wrong, don’t ask him if you’ve done something and for heaven’s sake, don’t ask him if he’s going off you. If he wasn’t then he will now.
As for date nights – time out from the routine of life is essential, as is time together – but the point of a date night is adding a bit of spontaneity and fun to your week as a couple not tying yourself to another non-negotiable commitment.
Treating him more like a lover than a husband will benefit your marriage far more than booking the same table at your local Harvester at 7pm every Tuesday night.
Think outside the box for your date nights, be spontaneous and don’t spend the evening discussing recommended nursery schools in the area.
As important as conversation and time together is within a marriage, I can’t help but think there is something missing from the list.
When the reality of marriage has set in, it’s not deep conversations and ice skating at Somerset House you need to keep the flames of passion alive, it’s spur of the moment blow jobs and crotchless knickers.
S*x is what’s missing from this list, and plenty of it.
You see here’s the thing – husbands, at times, can be simple creatures.
Their ‘likes’ include food, spontaneous oral s*x and an easy life.
Their ‘dislikes’ include, navel gazing, date nights at the cinema and in-depth conversations about the fact that they can no longer have s*x with anyone else but you.
You really want to keep your marriage alive? Don’t neglect the bedroom.
Make sure you always make time for s*x and invest in some decent underwear – and, no, 2 for 1 sets at M&S do not count.
Tsk, what a waste I’m not a wife.