A man stabbed his girlfriend to death when he discovered she was leaving him for another man after he had sacrificed so much on her education. So much can be said about the lady’s conduct, but this is not an isolated case. When love starts out, it seems unimaginable that it might one day end it murder, but for about 20% of relationships it is so.
Sadly too is the fact that the telltale signs are there from the beginning, but we are either blinded to them by love, are not equipped to recognize them, or we mistakenly believe that we can change the people with our love.
Here are some of the flags that are most indicative of a violent and possibly murderous partner:
History of violence
In 90% of the cases, this is the surest indicator that your partner will be violent with you. If they were violent in the past, please don’t accept that it was the fault of the other partner and that it will be different with you since they love you so much.
Also know that people who experienced abuse as children or witnessed domestic abuse will be likely to resort to it as a way of solving problems.
Violent partners control their victims to relieve the anxiety of their low self-esteem and fear of being jilted. They will try to control who you see, where you go and what you do. They will isolate you from your friends and relatives so you have nowhere to turn. They will try to make you totally dependent on them financially. The goal is to make it very hard for you to leave. And if you try to leave they will try to kill you. 75% of ladies murdered are in fact killed after they decide to leave the relationship.
A measure of jealousy is cute, but remember it is the trigger of most intimate homicides. Morbid should be a very red flag, especially when combined with the other risk factors. The excessive feelings of entitlement, attachment and fear that describe morbid jealousy are irrationally paranoid and eventually destructive of the relationship and sometimes, you. Soon you don’t feel protected, you feel imprisoned.
Alcohol and drugs
The use of drugs and alcohol by both or either of you increases your risk of violent harm by over 50%. In over half of the cases, alcohol will be involved. Even where the attack happens when the perpetrator is sober, it has been found that there was a history of drug use. As a victim, drug use makes you unable to defend yourself effectively, and makes you afraid of seeking help.
If your partner seems incapable of controlling his anger then you are in danger. If the anger results in him or her banging wall, breaking things or even grabbing you and throwing you around, please seek help and leave the relationship. Do not be swayed by the fact that afterwards they seem genuinely sorry, ashamed and sweet, even lavish gifts upon you. It won’t matter after you are dead. Such people need help,but not from you.
Source: News24 Kenya