If you currently find yourself in a season of loneliness, know that it won’t last forever. Use the time to reflect and re-evalute who and what matters in life. The right attitude will attract the right people to your life at the appointed time.
Simone Lingenfelder, Coaching Channel Executive at Biotic Health in Johannesburg, told DESTINY in a previous article that there is a distinct difference between being alone and being lonely, and many people have the fear that being alone could lead to them feeling lonely.
“Loneliness is when one feels isolated and empty inside, and this ironically can occur even when in a crowd of people. Being afraid to be alone can be caused by many different things; maybe being alone was used as a threat or punishment when you were younger, or you suffer from depressive and sad thoughts and being alone with those thoughts makes you fearful of quiet times without company. Sometimes people also equate being alone with a feeling of abandonment, and feel that others don’t care for them or are even talking badly about them when they aren’t around,” she said.
“Many of us have become used to filling our days with ‘artificial’ stimulation from phones, TV and outside influences, and find it difficult to be at ease with our own company.”
Here’s what you should NOT do to curb loneliness:
Don’t go into a relationship with someone because you fear being alone, you’ll end up being very confused. We sometimes tend to seek a partner to ‘complete’ us rather than complement us. Moreover, it’s not fair on the person you are with to be with them for the wrong reasons.
Being too socially available
Accepting every invitation to every social gathering just because you’re lonely is going to make you a miserable (and worn out) person in the long run. Going out, having fun and meeting new people is both exciting and therapeutic. But do not become uncomfortable with your own presence. Don’t fill a void with an overactive calendar.
Throwing a pity party
In the same way that you should not socialise to cure loneliness, don’t spend time pitying yourself. When we cut ourselves off from society completely – even just from friends and family – it’s easy to fall into self-pity. Take as much time as you need to deal with your current state, but don’t dwell there and don’t feel sorry for yourself. Decide to be courageous, take the plunge and find yourself again.
Beware of Insta-Envy (coveting seemingly perfect relationships on social media). While you might think that everyone else is happier than you, we never really know what goes on behind the scenes. Monitor the amount of time you spend on social media because if not controlled, it could negatively affect your happiness. Be your own #RelationshipGoals, even if you’re single.